Battle For Ohio

Gone. Hes got the power potential, why can't he get a chance?

I have been following this Jonny Gomes drama with mild interest since the end of the season.  You can’t help but get the notion that Gomes would return if the Reds showed some genuine interest.  And the Reds options in left field sound as good as Helen Keller singing the National Anthem.  Don’t believe me?  Chris Dickerson, Laynce Nix, converted shortstop, rookie, Todd Frasier, rookie Juan Francisco, Wladimir Blaentien and rookie Chris Heisey.  If you aren’t a Reds fan you are thinking; someone from a 50’s sitcom?  A former Back Street Boys “singer?”  An experiment?  Two more rookies?  And a guy hooked on phonics clearly didn’t work for?  Ouch!  So, on paper you would think it would be a decent fit, right?  But instead the Reds non tendered a contract to Gomes In December.

Jonny has big league experience.  Jonny is a much cheaper, little lighter in power, but better in the field, Adam Dunn.  This is a lineup that is nearly void of power hitters.  So what’s the problem?  Whats even more strange is that the Reds didn’t ever seem to know what they had going back to spring training, where Gomes was hitting well and all indications were that he would make the team, and yet remained in triple A.  So just to give you an ide here is what Gomes did in some of the major batting categories for the mere 98 games he played in and where it ranked on the Reds team.

• 20 home runs, tied for third.

• 39 runs, seventh.

• 75 hits, sixth.

• 17 doubles, sixth.

• 51 RBI, fourth.

• .267 average, tied for fifth.

• .338 on base percentage, sixth.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but that is top nine in all those categories, with retardedly low playing time right?  Seems to me that if you show a little bit more genuine interest in Gomes than say Brittney Spears actually shows her children?  But maybe a little less than say Mrs. Foreman shows Eric in that ’70’s show?  And well then maybe you could get a guy that could get a legitimate shot to start everyday in left field and for less money than you just spent on a 35-year-old shortstop.  I know, I know, I just said I liked that deal, and I still do, but you can get a younger guy who gives you something you severely lack, power and you don’t have to sacrifice that much on defense for CHEAPER!

So there has to be something going on.

There has to be explanations.

I read on a forum that Jonny Gomes defense was great. Great? Really?

Here are my NOTIONS ( bet you were wondering what the hell that titled meant!) It is also important to note here that most of what you are about to read is non-sensical and strictly meant for you so spit the contents of whatever is in your mouth on to your monitor.

• Jonny Gomes is a dick?  When Jonny was set to go to free agency after his rookie contract expired with Tampa Bay, the at the time Devil Rays, just let him walk.  Cincinnati signs him for a one year deal, and after very limited service, brought on only by injuries, was again not resigned.  Why is it every time this guy has a chance to get a raise he gets shafted?  Is he having sex with general manager’s daughters?  Is he pooping in the showers?  Is he having a “hands free” puppet show in the locker area?  I mean that has to be the answer, right?  Everyone must think this guy is a huge dick or something.  I mean I haven’t heard one player go to bat for him in the off-season and with his production you would think someone would, right?

• Jonny Gomes agent is dead.  Jonny’s a California boy.  He’s laid back, he doesn’t worry about much.  So he rarely checks in with his agent, he just figures that his business is being taken care of and will be let known when something happens.  Meanwhile his agent, who is single, friendless and family-less because he works too hard is face down on his home office desk.  Face contorted and angry clearly screaming at one of the two cell phones in each hand, the conference style phone on his desk, the open session of Skype on his PC, the built-in camera on his laptop, or all of them at once.  His other clients are Barry Zito, hippie.  Ricky Henderson, self-absorbed.  Tim Lincecum, part of the impersonal generation*.  Yes, I made that up.  This guy is never going to be found.

• Jonny Gomes is a roider.  Not a popular onion I am sure.  I hate that I have become this cynical, but  let’s face it, whenever we see a guy just putting up freakish power numbers, that seem to be a contradiction to any other athletic ability someone has, we will have to question it now.  Baseball specifically has done that to us.  This is a guy that is a short time has had two, three run home run games.  His power comes in bursts, which would tell me he cycles on and off to avoid detection.  Probably messes with his swing when he is cycling because his average suffers and he strikes out a lot.  And the Reds know he is a juicer, so they don’t want to throw any more money at a kid they think will get caught and be worthless to them anyway.  The problem is that he is FATTTTTTTTTTTT.  Doesn’t he look more like he is on the Babe Ruth steroid plan?  Hot dogs and beer.  What is more likely the case is he did exactly what a guy in high school I know did.  He went through a whole tub of creatine in a couple days, and never worked out.  He thought that it was some sort of miracle drug that would take you from looking like the offspring of David Schwimmer and a gorilla to the offspring of Brangelina.

• Jonny Gomes is insane.  Devastated at the loss of his best friend and soul mate, Willy Taveras, Jonny set fire to Walt Jockity’s car and has taken Dusty’s toothpick hostage.  There is no proof that Jonny set the fire, it was discovered that a tub of JTM was in the trunk and everyone knows that JTM can’t be exposed to natural air too long before it explodes, many a picnic has ended tragically because of this.  Walt swears he brought in all the groceries, so suspicions remain.  There is no concrete proof in the Dusty case either, although all the ransom notes are done with letter cut out of magazines and newspapers, but they are all signed, Jonny Gomes?

Those are about the only reasons I can see a deal not getting done.  The Reds are sticking to the fact that they don’t need him, which baffles me.  Meanwhile I am sure some other teams are starting to call since pitchers and catchers are about to report and teams are starting to send out invites to players they are willing to take a chance on.  And who wouldn’t take a chance on Gomes power potential?

Happy Josh?