Battle For Ohio

You ready for what I got today?

What do you know, it’s Friday again already.  Time really flies when you have spent so much time in front of a computer you start to think that you have floaters in your eyes that look like your PC’s desktop.  And here we are face to face with another Quick Hits.  What treasures will we find?  Head coaches being thrown under the bus by their players?  Check.  More ridiculous requests of Agassi from former tennis stars trying to get a pub grab?  You betcha.  Players getting paid for touchdown celebrations?  For certain.  Mike Tyson?   Need I say more?  Rhetorical question, of course I don’t, so get to readin’ pal.

• In an amazing story, the athletic director for Boise State is calling out all schools.  Literally.  He is offering to travel to any big name school in America and play them at their house and they don’t even need to return the favor.  No one has called back.  Not the SEC, not the Big 12, not the Big Ten, no one.  Every team is afraid of little ‘ol Boise State.  They will fight tooth and nail to make sure that they don’t get into the National Title Game, They will complain that because they are a non BCS school and from a crappy conference that they do not belong.  But they won’t dare play them either.  To quote Biff Tanner, “What’s wrong?  Chicken?”  Sorry Boise State you are like that girl in high school that starts dressing slutty to get noticed, but you are just too ugly for anyone to care that your breasts are 90% exposed.  Boom, roasted.

They are letting this guy play again why?

• LeGarrette Blount is back. Who?  You know the running back that was featured a couple months ago in Quick Hits for sucker punching a Boise State player and was suspended for the rest of the season.  Yeah that guy.  Well he is such a stand up guy that the NCAA and Oregon have decided to re-instate him.  Can I remind people that he sucker punched another player?  There is no way this guy should be allowed to play again this year.  What I find strange, or revealing, is the fact that he gets re-instated right after Oregon suffered a huge loss to Stanford.  That is like grounding a kid for a two weeks, but letting them do whatever they want while their “grounded.”  Why suspend him in the first place?  Maybe when he stabs someone he can get a spanking from the coach, that would do just as much.  Boom, roasted.

• Another press hungry tennis star is calling out Andre Agassi again.  This time Marat Safin is asking that Andre give all his titles and his money back to the APT.  First of all, why does he have to give anything back?  If you want to be mad, be mad at the APT who willingly let him play in that condition.  Secondly, Agassi didn’t win crap when he was tweeking on meth.  He played worse than ever dropping all the way to 141st.  Hey Agassi can you please give back the $5 you won when you were on meth please?  Why are people confusing meth with steroids?  But again the timing of what Safin said is suspicious since he also just announced his retirement.  So he makes some controversial remarks and then retires?  Sounds like someone wants to make sure that people will still pay attention to him.  Marat, no one paid attention to you when you played, do you really think people will pay attention to you now that you have insulted one of tennis’ greatest stars?  No.  Go back to the club that you are the pro at and teach 50-year-old cougars how to better their back hand.  Boom, roasted.

• In a weird story Jeff Jordan, one of Michael Jordan’s sons wants to play basketball again.  He was playing for Illinois when he decided that basketball wasn’t for him.  Well now I guess it is, but not before he serves a two game suspension. Why?  Because he played in a non-sactioned three on three tournament after he had quit playing for Illinois.  But for some reason the NCAA feels the need to suspend him for tow games for his involvement.  So let me get this straight.  A kid can sucker punch a kid and get his suspension lifted.  Jeff does nothing wrong at all and gets suspended for two games.  Yeah, sounds like the NCAA has their priorities right.  This is like getting put on probation for a speeding ticket you got before you worked for your current company.  It makes about as much sense as an adult alarm in Michael Jackson’s bedroom, oh wait….Boom, post humorously roasted.

• More bad luck for Iron Mike.  Tyson got in a scuffle with a paparazzi photographer.  The good news for Tyson is that he didn’t bite anyone this time.  It doesn’t sound like it was much, but why did it have to be anything?  I wish paparazzi’s were out-lawed.  Just leave people alone dammit.  They get in your face, make demands of you, call you names and are rude.  Then they file law suits against whoever it is that they are stalking at the time when they get pissed.  You guys didn’t learn a lesson when you killed an icon like Princess Diana?  And now we have that giant weirdo Lady DoDo, or KaKa, or whatever the hell her name is coming out with a song sensationalizing paparazzi.  Great.  Paparazzi are about as useful as a dingle berry.  Boom, roasted.

• Lane Kiffen is making news again, indirectly.  Three of his prized reqruits this year got busted for armed robbery. Aren’t the boosters paying these kids enough?  Seriously the bad news just keeps pouring in on Kiffen, who has been fired, embarrassed, and had his decision-making ability questioned by everyone in this last year.  The way things are going someone better put him on suicide watch.  Do you think the Tennessee is actually thinking that Al Davis was right?  And that ladies and gentlemen is your sign of the apocalypse.  Boom, roasted.

Yeah, this sure looks like a good guy.

• Stephen Jackson thinks people are just now thinking he is a bad guy because of his recent trade request. Ummmmm, no we have thought you were a bad guy since you went into the stands in Detroit and started to punch a fan in the face.  You have just perpetuated the “bad guy” attitude since then.  This is from his Wikipedia page….”Mainstream media outlets generally portray Jackson in a negative way, highlighting the fact that, in the past five years, he has been charged with felony criminal recklessness and a number of misdemeanors, including assault, disorderly conduct, and two counts of battery.”  Yeah I can’t imagine why in the hell you are being portrayed as a bad guy.  I would like them to trade you to a European team and never hear from you again.  If this was the NCAA you would get suspended retroactively for 1/2 a game for all the indiscretions, but since this is the NBA and criminals are welcome Stephen is glorified instead of vilianized.  Boom, roasted.

• Jamal Lewis has taken the liberty of throwing his head coach, Eric Mangina, under the bus. Jamal said that the coach has worked his players too hard.  Too many hours on the practice field have left the players tired and unmotivated.  Jamal is probably right, and this is further proof that players are quitting on Mangina, but being the “senior” on the team he has to be a better example to the younger guys.  Jamal’s attitude is going to infect that locker room and things are going to get worse before they get better in Cleveland.  IF Mangina has a job after this season, which is doubtful at this point, he is going to have some serious house cleaning to do.  Mangenius is looking more like Mangenuinelyretarded.  Boom, roasted.

Yep, he's got some Capt'n in him.

• There is no fooling the NFL, they are always watching.  In a prime time game on Sunday that featured Dallas and Philly, Philly’s tight end Brent Celek scored a touchdown and celebrated.  But it was how he celebrated that drew the ire of the NFL.  Brent, it would appear, had a little Capt’n in him. The popular rum, Captain Morgan had years ago thought up a popular ad campaign where random people at bars would pose like the Captain on the bottle and it was said that you then “had a little Capt’n in you.”  Captain Morgan took it a step further and said that they would launch a campaign that would pay players to do the pose after a touchdown.  I remember seeing it when it happened and at the time I thought it was funny because I thought it was spontaneous, I am a little disappointed to see that it was staged.  But still funny.  I will agree with the NFL that players should not be taking money to promote anything with a touchdown celebration.  Sorry Brent, next time try having a little more common sense in you!  boom, roasted.

Man, the NCAA really took a beating this week and it isn’t even time for the mighty BCS to send out invites to bowl games.  Another week, and another collection of memorable sports incidents that make you feel really good about your life.  Your welcome faithful readers.  Enjoy.