George Herron
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Good News/Bad News: Rey Maualuga.
Posted by George Herron on January 29, 2010
“Why the face!?” Anyone who watches Modern Family gets that. And if you aren’t watching it you should be. Rey Maualuga was arrested this morning on charges of drunken driving and careless driving. I was sure when I got a text this morning when I was getting ready for work that this was going to be all over they web by the time I got in. Surprisingly, it hasn’t blown up in the almost inevitable way I thought it would. It is now 10:00 am, he got busted at 3:00 am, and there isn’t even anything on bengals.com yet. It wasn’t on ESPN’s home page, or even their NFL home page. Shocking.
Dammit Rey!
So in anticipation for this story creeping out to the national media, let’s play the PR game!
Good news: There was no accident, no one was hurt and no ones stuff was damaged.
Bad news: Media gets wind of this and this turns into a “The Bengals are bad guys because they all get arrested” story.
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Good news: There wasn’t a dead hooker in the car.
Bad news: There were a lot of “dead soldiers” in the car.
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Good news: He didn’t vomit on his own car.
Bad news: He was trying to drive from the passenger’s seat. (My own personal speculation, I envision it pretty funny.)
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Good news: His next tattoo will only cost him a couple packs of smokes.
Bad news: Rey will now have Hepatitis.
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Good news: This gives him more street cred.
Bad news: Ray Lewis was able to get away with murder, you’ve got a long way to go son.
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Good news: Dean Wormer doesn’t run this team, because….
Bad news: ”Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.”
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Good news: Rey no longer thinks that he is blind.
Bad news: It took the arresting officer pulling the hair out of Rey’s face for Rey to realize what was going on.
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Good news: This could be just as easily forgotten as Leon Hall’s DUI.
Bad news: This could turn into Odell Thurman. Don’t tell me everyone isn’t thinking about THAT elephant in the room.
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Good news: I know from a pretty reliable source that Rey drinks…A LOT. Maybe this will force him to get some help.
Bad news: Look at that picture. That kid wasn’t just drinking me thinks. There might be some more serious charges to come.
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My fingers are crossed that this is a one time incident and that this just kind of goes away like the Leon Hall DUI did. But from things that I have heard Rey does like to tie one on every now and again. I don’t have the heart or the stomach to watch another talented linebacker go to waste. Get your head out of your ass Rey, you owe it to yourself, and Cincinnati could use a damn break.
UPDATE:
Looks like Rey has been here.
Well, it doesn’t look like Christmas is coming early for the Bengals this year. Looks like Rey’s early morning antics were a bit more than I expected. And now it is all over ESPN. Of course a parking meter was involved. Hollywood can’t script this crap any better. Thanks for the free pub Rey!
jesyisms said
First things first…anytime you can talk about Modern Family in every day life just makes my day 10x better.
Second, this is on the top 5 most hilarious (non-Brian) posts.
Third, he likes HIGH!!! Are you kidding me.. if I was arrested for a DUI I’d be scared out of my mind not too mention the fact that I would have been BALLING my eyes. I’d have the reddest eyes due to crying and some serious puffy eyelids. Thank god I haven’t been arrested!
Fourth, parking meters, seriously?
Jeremy said
George,
If he hasn’t been arrested before, then this will blow over. He’ll get some fine, and most likely be ordered to a rehab style program.
So all that he’s done to himself is double up on his rehab. One for his leg, one for his “habit”.
Finally, do the Bengals allow alcohol in the clubhouse, like MLB teams do? If so, I would love to see how many Rey-Ma can pound after a game.
Apparently, Somoans can not only eat alot, but they can drink folks under the table as well.