Battle For Ohio

The Bungals have officially returned.  Fumble the opening kickoff that leads to a Steelers touchdown and then have a punt blocked after just two series, setting up a field goal.  That is the very essence of what it is to be a Bungal team.

These guys are hot commodities

Fabulous work fellas.  I’m just waiting.  This season is progressing right along, just the way I said it would.  All we need is one of the Dynamic Diva wide receivers to start pitching a fit.  Pssst, Chad, that’s your cue.  Mark my words friends, Chad is getting tired of being Robin and is just a couple one catch games (that we lose) away from going bonkers to the media.  Then the prophecy will be complete and I will just sit back and laugh as Rome burns.

Once again I under-estimated the Browns and all I can do is apologize.  They played some of the best AFC North football I have seen all year.  They did what the Bengals did well last year, they ran the ball.  Peyton Hillis looked like a run away freight train all day long.  Sprinkle in some trick plays and viola, you get to see Bill Belicheat look like you ran over his dog and tea-bagged his wife.  It was beautiful.  I was kind of surprised he didn’t just leave the field early, I guess he reserves that kind of classiness for the Super Bowl.  Dear Colt McCoy, Cleveland can now say LeBron who?  I hope you’re ready to LOVE that city.

Three concussions for the Steelers during the Bengals game.  Not one was Worthlessburger or Hines Turd, so complete failure.  Hell I don’t even know if the Bungals defensive line even sneezed on Big Douche.

Steelers suck.

Ravens suck.

That about covers last week.  Moving right along to this week.

Baltimore vs Atlanta:

• George:  Baltimore.  I was going to take the Falcons at home, but Roddy White’s knee has me concerned.  Baltimore is going to swallow up Michael Turner and force Matt Ryan to find other reliable targets to win this game.  I don’t think he is up to the challenge.  Plus this is one of the maybe three weeks that most of Baltimore roster is healthy at the same time.

• Jesy:  Ravens versus Falcons – sounds like a new Angry Birds game!  Yup, I went there which only seems perfect because everyone I know is addicted to that game.  Well, except for Tony.  Poor Mr. Rieger has a Blackberry and it doesn’t support addictive games like Angry Birds.  I’m going to mentally toss my coin in the air and………..pick the Falcons to win.

• Andy: A Thursday game on a short week always favors the home team.  I would have loved to say that I picked the Falcons, but since I’m writing this post jubilant Falcons victory, I have to admit that I was ready to write up the Ravens for a win even with the historical stats.  The Unibrow just was long or bushy enough to get them over the top.  I’m sorry I won’t be in Baltimore to see the absence of all that purple camouflage.  I would be rubbing it in big time.

New Jersey B vs Cleveland:

• George:  Cleveland.  All right assholes don’t let me down now.
  

  Hate to admit it, but this is funny

  I bet against them all year, so finally I am going to give them the leg up being at home and Mangini wanting the revenge factor this time.  The players seem to like him judging by the strange Gatorade bath after beating the Patriots last week, so they will probably be looking forward to fighting hard for this game too.  I think the Jets might try to overlook this game.  Sanchez is progressing well, but Braylon Edwards might see some ghosts of footballs past and catch a case of the dropsies upon his return home.

• Jesy:  Cleveland is the “comeback kid” story or at least I hope they are!  I’m going to pick Cleveland (you’re welcome Andy) and cross my fingers that they can beat out the second New Jersey team.  Who is the New Jersey B team again?  Oh well, doesn’t matter because Cleveland will get the “W.”

• Andy: There is no way that I’m not picking the Browns, right?  After the way it’s turned around and consecutive wins over the Saints and Patriots?  WRONG!  I’m going with the Jets here.  I don’t think Rex Ryan will take this game lightly against his brother and Edwards, thinking Cleveland wronged him (how exactly???), is more likely to be focused.  The Jets are not as good as everyone thought and maybe a second straight road game will beat them down.  But I have to pick against the Browns…because of superstition.  I picked against them the last two games and they’ve won, so I’m just doing my part not to jinx them.  I’ve also been wearing the same underwear for the last 3 weeks and have not taken off my face paint.  The people at work are worried.  I’ll summon the spirit of Lou Brown from Major League for an appropriate quote: “Let’s see if we can stick around and give ‘em all a nice, big shit burger.”  I think that sums up the attitude of the Browns.

Cincinnati vs Indianapolis:

• George:  Indianapolis.  Oh let me count the ways.  Well maybe not, it’s been a rough week and I really don’t feel like depressing myself more.  The Colts are the best at keeping Manning protected, the Bungals are the worst at getting to the quarterback.  Sound like a disaster?  Oh yeah factor in that God’s other son is the one throwing the ball for the Colts.  I don’t care how banged up the Colts are, they will decimate the Bungals at home.

• Jesy:  The Bengals did surprise me after I heard their slight come-back on Monday against the Steelers.  But why can’t they play like that from START to FINISH?  They like to start a game and basically thrown in the towel before halftime then come back out from the locker room and try to play catch up.  Don’t you think it would be easier to play like that for the whole game?  I’m going to pick Indy – I think Manning and team will outsmart and outplay the Bengals.

• Andy: It’s hard to pick the Bengals after the last few weeks, so I won’t.  Wade Phillips won the race to be the first coach fired.  Lewis might be next.  Without a significant pass rush, Manning will pick this team apart…a team whose fragile spirit seems broken now.  T.O. – I’ve got my popcorn and I’m ready to enjoy watching you suffer!!!

New England vs Shitsburgh:

• George:  New England.  Not a wise pick since the Steelers are at home.
  

  I wanted to save this for a Browns win, but it's just too good

  But consider this, the Steelers almost lost to the Bungals, I mean it was actually close at the end.  Brady will have a case of the red-ass after getting humiliated in Cleveland last week.  Those two things spell a Shitsburgh loss to me.  This will actually be a pretty good game to watch.  I will also consider it a Patriot win if Hines Ward leaves on a stretcher, even if the Steelers score more points.

• Jesy:  This game makes me a bit nervous, if the Browns are beating out the Patriots……okay I’m back on my seriously hating the Steelers bandwagon.  I’m picking the Patriots over “Ben there Raped that Worthlessburger.”  That line is courtesy of one of my friends on Facebook, thanks Diana Cook!

• Andy:  There is no way I can top Jesy’s pick, so I won’t try.  Brady and the Pats win this revenge game.

Lock of the Week:

• George:  Brad Childress is fired.  The “Firing Coaches cherry” has been broken, so now all coaches in the hot seat be prepared.  Brad I’m looking at you specifically.  You lost control of the locker room letting players and coaches fight.  Your quarterback hates you.  And you just released a player that you traded away a third round pick to get…without telling your boss.  How the hell you are still there now is beyond me.

• Jesy:  The Bengals will let Indy pretty much have the ball and score 2-3 touchdowns in the first quarter then decide in the fourth quarter that they want to play.  ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, frustration!

• Andy: The Ryan bowl’s most significant stat will be injuries.  I foresee a long, hard-hitting game with several guys on both teams leaving injured…hopefully one of them is not Colt McCoy and one of them IS Braylon Edwards.

Flop of the Week:

• George:  Shawne Merriman.  I think God is trying to turn the “lights out” on him.  Seriously dude, are you ever going to be healthy enough to even start a game, let alone finish one?  I’m just pretty tired of hearing about your over-hyped ass.  Call me when you play in two or more games in a row, then maybe I’ll pay attention again.

• Jesy:  This sounds terrible but have to say it… When George and I were driving to the hospital on Tuesday he saw a man running in very short running shorts and all that you could see was his “you know what” flopping around.  Yep, that is my flop of the week!  It was gross and very much like the moment in Juno (think about it!)  (Well played Dear.)

• Andy: Me.  I don’t feel very good about my half-assed analysis this week and I don’t think I was very funny either.  It won’t happen again.